Found Objects

Hannah McCann

ENG 300


Week Day Mugs

Max. To a complete stranger scanning the phone book, “Max Moody” is the name of an unemployed, 33 year-old man who lives in Sammamish Washington. To anyone who knows him, Max is an ambidextrous man with major obsessive-compulsive disorder. But, to anyone who reallyknows him, Max is a compassionate soul who has a deep desire to socialize with all living entities. The most infamous trait Max makes evident to everyone lucky enough to meet him, is his extreme consistency; specifically when it comes to his morning routine.

At precisely 7:00am, every Sunday and Monday morning, not a second earlier nor a second later, Max removes his beige mug from the cupboard directly above the coffee pot, which is centered perfectly between the sink and stove. Because no one likes Mondays, and Sunday insinuates Monday is sure to follow, the most plain, ugly, and least expressive mug is the only option for those two days of the week.

 Max acquired this mug in a very “Monday” type way, as in the most boring and undesired way, as in it was so “Monday”, Max knew he would use it for every Monday, and even Sunday, for the rest of his life. His coffee addiction began when he was 23, mainly because the show he religiously watched began each episode with a group of friends drinking coffee. So as he started his obsession, he figured he would invest in some mugs and a coffee-maker to save himself money. He bought 12 different coffee mug catalogs and began his hunt for the perfect one. After a week of analyzing the catalogs, he found it. This mug was going to be the most elaborate piece of art. A hand-blown glass handle attached to an engraved ceramic cup that came with a detachable wooden lid… it was going to be perfectly unique to Max. He ordered it and awaited it’s arrival. 4 days later, his package arrived and inside he FoUnD….

what would now be his new Sunday-Monday mug. This mug he holds with his left hand because Sunday and Monday are both on the left side of the calendar, which is the only logical way Max believes one should hold a Sunday-Monday mug. Makes sense. 

After the decision to designate his beige mug as the “Sunday-Monday Mug”, his OCD tells him he then had to find a new mug for every day of the week. And because of his accidental accumulation of his Sunday-Monday mug that forces him to hold it with his left hand, and Tuesday also falls on the left side of the Calendar, he would also have to drink his coffee with his left hand on Tuesdays too. Every Tuesday night, Max watched a scary movie at 8:30pm with his 79 year-old neighbor, Harry. So to mentally and physically prepare for the night activities, he figured he should start his morning off with a mug that will allude to what is to come within the coming hours. So by the next Tuesday after he acquired his Sunday-Monday mug, he had found a hot cup of boiling (blood) coffee.  

            Wednesdays are difficult for Max to navigate because they land directly in the middle of the week, but he has developed a routine that works brilliantly. It is important that he gets his 7am coffee each morning, so on Wednesday’s he settles for an iced coffee in his Hawaiian tumbler cup. He can hold his coffee with either hand and add some variety to his mornings while maintaining a schedule he is comfortable with. This was all thanks to his favorite neighbor, Harry. Max’s dream vacation had always been to go to Hawaii, and he voiced that to everyone he met. Every Wednesday when going on a mid-day stroll, he passes strangers and hums to the Island music playing through his headphones. Harry new this about Max and had recently heard all about his hunt for coffee cups, and how Max couldn’t decide how he would cope with choosing a hand to hold it with. So, Harry gifted him an old tumbler he brought back from a vacation years back. Max never loved anything more and issued it as his Wednesday cup. 

Thursday’s make Max HaPpY because Friday follows; and everyone loves Friday because that means it’s the WeEkEnD! 

(Note: Coffee must be consumed using the right hand)

So Thursday’s mug came easy, he saw it in a shop and bought it without hesitation. But Friday, Friday was his faaaavorite day of the week, so it had to be the best. He also loved Christmas, so a combination of the two was exactly what he was looking for. It went a lot like the original cup he was “supposed” to have. Lots of catalogs, analyzing, and contemplating about the perfect mug. He struggled to find the mug of his Friday dreams. It had been 3 weeks since he started the search for all of the mugs and he didn’t want to go another Friday without having his designated cup. He took a break from the hunt and decided to go visit Harry across the street. He put on a scarf and headed out the door. As he was shutting the door he noticed a small package on his porch. He picked it up and opened it to find the most beautiful Christmas themed mug. To this day, he doesn’t know who the gift came from, but it makes his Friday cup of coffee the jolliest 7am cup of coffee one could ever DeSiRe. 

Max doesn’t drink coffee on Saturday’s because his mom recommended he lay off the caffeine… but he has a SpEcIaL “water mug” for those days.